Figuring things out

One of the hard parts about my battle with depression and anxiety, is that it makes me feel like im not good enough just as i am.  Im always thinking about the fact that Im a size 20 (bordering on a 22), my diet needs an overhaul. Exercise? only if i have to, and definitely not in the heat.  Oh the heat.  Whoever discovered that things expand in the heat, got it bang on.  I feel like every part of my body swells in the heat.  Of course that doesnt help things. 
Living with a disability doesnt help either.  My greatest fear is that ill never find someone to love me with all my health issues.  True, i did once... but even that dating process didnt help.  Im not sure i could go through that again...

I know i should just work to make the changes necessary, but its actually not that easy.  When depression and anxiety messes with your head, It can make even the simplest tasks near impossible.  Some days its hard enough to just take things moment by moment.  Thats when i choose to forget things for a little while and just go to my happy place.  Usually Netflix or adult colouring.  Its a temporary escape from the noise in my head.  Emphasis on the word temporary. And i do wish there was a more permanent fix to the noise in my head.  And an easier motivation to fixing my body issues. 

Its probably a long term fight that Ill have to deal with for years to come.