Taku Wairua

I thought i had my whole life figured out before i was 16.  I was going to go on a mission at 21, be married by 25 and be done having all my children by 35.  Instead, i got no mission, because of health concerns.   I was married at 28, diagnosed with infertility and endometriosis at 29 and divorced at 36.  Go figure. Im a planner.  Its what i do.  I have a plan for almost everything.  It took me a long time to come to terms with life not turning out the way i planned.  Someone once told me, we dont plan these things, sometimes this is just the way life turns out. Maybe thats true.  Maybe its teaching me to learn to be adaptable.  I love the movie PS I love you where Gerry teaches Holly from beyond the grave, to live again and that things always have a way of working out.  He teaches her that its ok not to have a plan, and that its ok to just go with the flow.  Perhaps thats something i need to learn to do. Ada...

Sometimes life gets confusing.  You think you have it figured out, then Boom! karma steps in and decides to mix things up a bit.   Im a huge believer that everyone, no matter their life circumstances, deserves to find love.  Sometimes it just takes that special someone to help you believe love is possible.   It took me a long time to believe I deserved love. A myriad of health issues made me fearful that nobody would ever be able to accept me and love me for who i am.   Eventually I found love with a man i adored, and whom I believed adored me.  Just because we both have significant health issues, doesnt mean it shouldnt work out, if we both put in the work, right?   Or so I thought.  And yet now I sit here single, divorced, and wondering what life has in store for me next.   Wondering where i went wrong, wondering if i should even seek love again.  There's a part of me that just wants to get on with...